I’m not your clown.


Just me preface that, harsh as this post seems, that is really not my intention.  What I am saying is if you an in a bad mood, you shouldn’t expect (or demand) anyone else cheer you up.  You should take full responsibility of your emotions and rely on yourself to ditch that dirty mood.  Now, I’m not saying if your friend or partner is in a foul mood, you should tell them to fuck off and deal with it.  This isn’t the case at all. We’re talking about you right now.

Often we depend on others to “cheer us up” when we’re down.  Often we turn to our partners, friends or family to aid us.  This is perfectly normal, but here’s the deal – You (and only you) are in charge.  Every thought and feeling and emotion running through your head right now is at the reins of you. If you had a bad day, it’s because you have allowed the circumstances in your environment to negatively influence you. “If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change the way you think about it.” You can remove yourself from situations that make you feel bad, or you can change your way of thinking. Venting to friends and family may seem like a good way to “release” that negative energy, but that is just what you are doing – releasing negativity (which, according to the Law of Attraction, is sure to attract more of those negative experiences into your existence). Choose to smile instead, and take charge. If you’re in a sour mood, it is your responsibility to do something about it, not the responsibility of those around you.


Don’t allow your state of mind to be at the hands of someone else.  It’s not fair to you or the other person.  It’s not fair to you because you are giving up the power to be in control and be in check of your thoughts, and it’s not fair to other people because you are giving them a responsibility they may not even want.  Also, it can set you up for more disappointment and sorrow when the people you depend on to lift your spirits don’t follow through.  If you’re in a bad mood, it’s because you have decided to be in a bad mood.  You need to decide to make a change.


People often say, “It’s just not that easy.”  That depends on your attitude, I guess.  (;

One response »

  1. Aye. Additionally, it’s no one’s responsibility — particularly in a work environment — to present as anything more than civil and respectful towards you, so that you might feel comfortable in their presence. This desire to present as “cheerful” or “pleasant” is a gendered expectation that’s often levied on and by women. A man can be more reserved, and he’s generally left alone. Sure, he might be dismissed as a grump, but he’s often dubbed “intense,” “driven,” “thoughtful,” “serious,” etc.

    A woman displaying the same cluster of traits is cause for concern.

    Anyway, If you’re genuinely concerned about someone’s (her — HA) well-being, make an inquiry if you feel inclined. However, if that person indicates to you that A.) they are fine, busy, otherwise engaged or B.) they do not want to confide in you, step back and allow space.

    Don’t, however, ask this:

    “Are you OK?”

    “Why are you so quiet?”

    “Just smile!”

    “Do a soft-shoe. Hey, can you dance a jig? Why aren’t you being funny today?”

    Resist the urge to be an anxiety-driven, emotional control-freak.

    Practice self-care and take responsibility for your happiness and comfort-level. If a person is struggling with something, it’s their struggle, and they’ll reach out … or not, but rarely can someone be dragged out of a quagmire by your super-heroine efforts. If that person is fine, and simply not presenting in a manner that you understand as “fine,” then it’s not your job to hip them to your protocol square.

    In other words: be your own clown.

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