Not giving a damn what anyone thinks.


I believe one of the most important things about living your life, is living your life freely – as you please – without worrying about what those around you think. When you begin basing all of your decisions off what others may think or believe, you are then no longer living for yourself.  You are giving the power to those around you.

I get notes from people of all ages asking my advice on any and everything from wardrobe choices to their sexuality to, well – anything in the world.  I typically give everyone (who I have a chance to answer) the same advice – Do what you like, and stop worrying about what other people think.

I sat down with Ali Casanova because I thought she would be a perfect person to talk about this subject.  Ali is a Suicide Girl, and has personally dealt with people “questioning” her putting herself on the Internet – shamelessly and I-don’t-give-a-fuck-ly.  Ali  is comfortable with her body and chooses to show it off.  Fuck yeah for body positivity!

Now, sometimes completely dismissing what people think about you may not be as easy as the flick of a switch – for some.  Let’s chat about some ways you can stop being so concerned with how other people view you, your opinions, attitude to attire.

  • Start small. Sure, you could try to pull a Steve Kardynal at the Apple store, or run around the streets wearing a knock-off Lady Gaga outfit – but maybe you’re not really to dive in so quickly.  If you get the sudden urge to dance to the song that’s playing while you’re in line at the coffee stop, maybe just sway back and forth and tap your feet instead.  If you find a being across the bar attractive, but don’t have the nerve to say hello, make eye contact and give them a little smile and a nod.  Baby steps.
  • Stop asking for friend’s opinions.  We’ve all been there.  You might be out shopping with a friend and see an article of clothing you think really kicks ass.  You hold it up for your friend to see and they give you that “look.”  You may dismiss getting that piece because it may not be to your friend’s taste.  Well, guess what?  You friend isn’t going to be wearing it – you are.  If you think something kicks ass, don’t ask around for anyone’s approval.  When it comes to petty things such as clothing, don’t let the beings around you influence your decision.  Do what feels right for you.
  • Act like you’re confident, even if you’re not. Chances are, most people can’t tell a difference anyway.  Ever notice how some beings can pull off thigh-high stockings with garter belts and an over-sized shirt as a dress?  Taylor Momsen, hello.  Some beings just look uncomfortable, like it’s their first day on the job, turnin’ tricks.  It’s all about how you carry yourself.  If you present yourself as awkward and uncomfortable, you’re going to come off as awkward and uncomfortable to those around you.  Own it.
  • Smile. If you are given positive or negative feedback from those around you, smile.  While some people may judge others for their “unconventional” ways, most will admire the fact that you’ve got the guts to march to the beat of your own drum.  Smile.  Show people you’re having a good time.  Perhaps this will encourage others to step out of their comfort zone as well.
  • Practice affirmations. Do them daily.  Say things like, “I am comfortable with myself!”  I love and accept myself the way I am!  I am confident and secure in all I do!”  By chanting affirmations ten, twenty, thirty times a day, you are giving yourself the reinforcement that you are great, just the way you are.
  • Everyone is a stranger. People come and go in our lives so often.  How many people do you see in a day on a repeat basis?  Of course you’ve got your friends, family and co-workers – but what about the other people standing in line at the coffee shop?  The being at the gas pump next to you?  The club full of people?  The beings you pass on the sidewalk?  We interact with so many strangers on a daily basis.  The way I see it – chances are, you’re not going to see a lot of people again – so why does it matter what kind of impression you leave on them?  Just make it a positive one, eh?  (;
  • Focus on feeling good. When you feel good, sometimes it’s hard for others to get on your level.  When your head is so far up in the clouds, it seems like many can’t touch you.  Laugh, be merry and just make the most of life.  When you’re feeling good, you’re more at ease, and most likely less worried what other people think of you.


As hard as it is to believe, it really is just a switch in your head – changing your mindset.  You’ve got to choose to live freely and dismiss other’s judgements and opinions.  This is a very important trait to acquire if you wish to be happy and live free.  I do what I like, wear what I like – because I want to.  Other people’s opinions don’t influence my decisions because I am confident and capable.  I live for myself, and no one else.  If that makes me selfish, so be it.

Start living free today. xx

4 responses »

  1. Sweet shallot,

    Learning how not to give a damn is the first step in achieving true happiness. It’s impossible to live your life if you can’t even live with yourself. That’s why we should accept ourselves for who we are and just enjoy life.

    I’m liking this place a lot…

    I agree with what you suggest, start small, smile, act confident. It can be a little bit of an internal battle for some, yet it’s not impossible to get over ourselves.

    I might be wrong but (or at least not entirely right) when I say that:
    There’s a subtle difference between being selfish and being self-aware. Selfish people are always trying to make excuses for the way they act and ultimately they end up unhappy because they end up blaming themselves.

    Self-aware people just deal with it and keep on moving on. So, you’re not really selfish, I think…

    The only way we can ever move on and get over the things that happen to us in life, is to get over the first obstacle in our way. And the first obstacle is usually ourselves…

    I’m sure there’s a song out there which says exactly what I mean…

    Lost in the brambles…

  2. Frederik – I agree with you on the selfish VS. self aware viewpoint. It’s true! Thank you so much for dropping by (again). I really love hearing what you have to say. And isn’t there always a song out there…?

    Absolutely love this – “The only way we can ever move on and get over the things that happen to us in life, is to get over the first obstacle in our way. And the first obstacle is usually ourselves…” How very true…

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